Courtney Geter, LMFT, CST
Sex and Relationship Therapist

Why Women Don’t Respond to Online Messages: Insult Your Way to My Bed Part 1

Remember that time someone asked a favor of you and then insulted you behind your back? If you’re like me, your next thought probably included an obscene word followed by a vow to never help this person out. Offense and resentment can work similarly in the dating world, where an insult is the best way to end a date prematurely or to prevent one from being arranged. Continue reading to find out why women don’t respond to online messages.

Insulting Your Way to Her Heart… and Why Women Don’t Respond to Online Messages

I had begun a conversation with Anthony from Tinder. Although Tinder is known as “Grinder for straight folks”—aka a hookup app—I’ve found enjoyable conversations with men there, even when our desired outcomes differed. For the most part, some men who are interested only in hooking up are respectful or just end the conversation.

Well, Anthony and I began a fairly typical conversation with the “What do you do?” and “Tell me about your job” small talk. This led to a discussion about our plans for that specific day. No biggie right? Well, in the midst of this mundane conversation, Anthony asks, “Whatcha doing tonight?” Tonight being in the 10 o’clock hour after I had told him previously I was meeting friends for dinner. I can be forgiving of short-term memory and inability to scroll a few messages up. I repeated my prior plans of dinner and my current plan of reading in bed. The following is typed exactly as it was in our online conversation.

Anthony: “That sound boring there’s other things in bed I’d prefer to do.”

Me: “Well, then go do them.”

Anthony: “OK what’s your address?”

Me: “I said go do them. Not come do them.”

How Insults Won’t Get You Laid

Sir, even if my va-jay-jay was begging me to invite a man over, what makes you think to insult me is the way to my bed? For Anthony’s information, sex starts in the brain. Literally, when sexual desire sparks, the brain sends messages throughout the body to prepare for sex (also known as the sexual response cycle) including blood flow to allow erection of the penis and swelling of the clitoris and vaginal lips as well as the start of natural lubrication. The brain also contains our memories, including emotional memories. When someone insults you, the brain registers this as an unpleasant experience and reminds you of such when you experience that particular insult or anything similar in the future! So, while Anthony has never insulted me in the past, the memory of other people’s insults immediately shuts down any hanky panky feeling I might have had talking to him. Anthony, looks like you might be blue balling yourself, buddy!

That’s Not All Folks!

The insults keep getting better and better! Have you been insulted through a dating app? Share your story below! Want to know more about why women don’t respond to online messages? Subscribe to the blog and be the first to find out as well as how “Heisaswellguy” might not be so swell after all! Part 2 of Insult Your Way to My Bed discusses how not responding to a message from a stranger is not ghosting.

In the mean time, check out these links for more information about the brain’s role in sex and the sexual response.

Leave a Comment