My last post discussed how insults are one reason why women don’t respond to online messages. I shared my experience with Anthony. While Anthony was lucky enough to at least get a few hours of conversation, “Heisaswellguy” didn’t even get a response, as my immediate reaction to him was, “Girl! Run, run far away!”
Are You Not Aware How Unbecoming that Sounds?
In my experience seeking men (I’m curious if this happens for those seeking women?). I’ve never been more impatient than I have been lately. Countless times, men sent multiple messages if I did not respond immediately. Not only am I talking about a guy who apparently forgot that he messaged me (that’s another post in itself) in the past, but I’m also talking about the men who can’t wait an hour before needing to remind me to respond. So, I added a statement in my profile that men who send more than one message will not get a response. It’s annoying, to say the least. Plus, it gives insight into lack of empathy or understanding that I am doing other things with my life than sitting around waiting for a man to message me. From the female perspective, it makes me question if this man will need an immediate response while dating or in a long term relationship?
Well, “Heisaswellguy” took offense to this and shared his thoughts with me:
“Regarding your last bit, are you not aware how unbecoming that sounds? If you aren’t interested in a guy, simply tell him so instead of leaving him wondering, then eventually blocking him. Your entire profile screams mature, then you ruin it with that last line. You’re in mental health, you should know that fucks with guys’ heads in a way that isn’t healthy.”
BOO! You Can’t Ghost a Stranger
Sir, if I got a dollar for every man who sent a message and I was not interested, I’d get paid vacations Hey. Thanks for calling and leaving me a message though I think I’m going to pass on your service today.” Not responding to a complete stranger is not the same as ghosting a person with whom you formed an emotional connection. And more importantly, if you don’t like my profile, here’s an idea: don’t reply! Instead of assuming that I don’t understand what I wrote, why not try respecting me enough to take my words at face value. It doesn’t surprise me that with an attitude like that “Heisaswellguy” found himself reminding lots of women that they’d ‘forgotten’ to reply to him throughout the year! Would you call back every telemarketer to say, “When I first started online dating, I often took the time to respond, “Hey, thanks for showing interest, but no thanks.” But what else is the point of a semi-anonymous dating app if not for this kind of low-stakes window shopping? Constantly responding became overwhelming, and I spent more time ‘being nice’ than connecting with a man I was interested in. Also, if the guy does send a genuinely nice message and not just a “Hey,” I have to respond thanking him for the kind message though declining his invitation to further chat.
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Do you have a story where you were insulted by an online date? Share below!