Courtney Geter, LMFT, CST
Sex and Relationship Therapist

My Male Friends Wrote My Dating Profile

Welcome to the conclusion of When Your Friends Write Your Dating Profile! During Part 1, we learned that my female friends know me pretty well, though the type of match their profiles would find for me might be…questionable! We also heard from dating coach, Erika Ettin about why the profile is so important. Part 2 becomes a battle of the sexes to see if the male friends can out do the females. And Erika is back to share some additional professional insights!

Putting the BFF Relationship to the Test

If you’ve read any of my “Living with a Sex Therapist” series, then you’re familiar with the infamous, BFF. Who better to write my profile summary than the man I’ve shared a household with in two different states for a decade? You would think he knows me better than I know myself. “Hi, I’m Courtney- I’m a fiercely independent single girl just looking for Mr. Right. I don’t NEED a man, I just want one! I run my own business so I appreciate a guy who is also successful. I’m a traditional Southern belle when it comes to dating, so ask me out: No, not to a movie but to dinner or some fun event where I can actually get to know you. Put some thought into it. Be original! Be a gentleman! PS- My job gives me a unique opportunity to get lots of free sex toys…. Maybe you are the one that can help me “review” them?” Well, damn! He does listen to me even when it seems like he doesn’t!

A Conspiracy Theory?

Image courtesy of bugnin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The next brave soul to give this a go is Gordon, who wrote: “Confident, adventurous, accomplished single female…What’s it like to date a sex therapist? You’ll have to message me to find out, but I am good at listening and taking your perspective. Sex is important enough to me that I’ve made it the focus of my practice. I may or may not be up for what you’re seeking in bed, but I’ll definitely be willing to talk about it.” I bet you already guessed he’s a therapist, huh? Does anyone else think Brad and Gordon are conspiring behind my back?? Both men, apparently, know me well, though I advise not bringing your professional life into your personal life. At least not right away. Your dating profile is not a networking platform to build your resume or business; it is a platform to meet another person (or persons) to build an intimate relationship with. When making first contact with a potential match, get to know them as a person by asking about a favorite pastime, travel experience, or a favorite place around town. Talking too much about work, especially on a first date, reads too much like small-talk, identifying you with a part of your life that your potential partner might not ever really get to share. The same is true for adding too much of that information to your profile. Get to know this person for who they are outside of work, and signal in your profile that that’s what you’re looking to do..

How Much is Too Much?

Our final contender, Joel (Yes! He’s a therapist too!), wrote: “She’s a thoughtful, caring, good-listener who can be very patient and kind with people close to her. When not caring for succulents and being generally nice, spends time walking with her cat and chasing firemen.” Although I do like men in uniform, we might need to leave out the “chasing firemen,” as that could be unappealing to potential matches. You want potential matches to be clear about your current relationship status and not having immediate questions due to other people in pictures or talking about other people in your profile (unless this clarifies a relationship structure or status, of course). I know I’ve declined sending or responding to a message after seeing other women in profile pictures without a clear description of who they are in relation to the potential match.

If you’ve decided having your friends write your profile will happen when pigs fly, then what now?

You’re still frustrated with the experience and questioning if your profile is at least decent. Erika gives us a little tip to help your profile stand out amongst the crowd! “When I write someone’s profile, all of the information is accurate, of course, but I spice up the language a bit and delve into specifics. For example, if someone just moved from, say, San Francisco to New York, rather than writing, “I just moved to the East Coast from California,” I would instead say something like, ‘I recently traded the Golden Gate for the Empire State.’ It says the same thing, but it’s much catchier. In online dating, people make quick decisions, so you have to stand out.”

What do we think kids? Who won the battle of the sexes? Would you have your friends write your profile? Comment below!

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